About Single Parenting (The effects of divorce)

 Today’s topic is Effects of Divorce 2.

 In a prior video I discussed some of the effects of divorce on the children.  There was a recent HBO special by this title and I thought I would revisit the topic.   No one escapes without some effect. It has been reported by  Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelly, authors of Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope With Divorce that after 5 to 10 years 1/3 of children are OK, 1/3 gave some difficulty and 1/3 have a very difficult time.

 We as parents can do a lot to help

We as parents can do a lot to ease the transition for our kids even though we may be in pain ourselves our kids have a much more difficult time understanding what is happening and what to expect.

For openers, it is important that we give our children unconditional love and support.  We need to reassure them that they will not be abandoned and that we will be there for them. We need to tell them that the divorce is not their fault.

When possible, they need equal access to both parents.  In the HBO documentary, the children had a list of things that they hope for from the parents.  On that list was not fighting in front of the kids and not asking the kids to spy on each other.

 School Age Children

School age children frequently blame themselves and feel that they can solve the problem by being good.  They may act out to get attention or fake illness.  They will try to get their parents back together.  In my personal experience, this is more pronounced around major holidays such as Christmas, birthdays etc. They also fear for the future not being able to envision life after divorce and may fear that they will be abandoned.

Some of the more common signs that children are having difficulty coping include sudden, unexplained changes in behavior, sleep, or eating habits. Fortunately, you can do a lot to help your child by being sensitive to their needs and communicating with them. Be on the lookout for signs your child needs immediate help.  Aggressive behaviour, alcohol and drugs, talk of suicide, cutting class are all signs for concern. Get help from school counselors, a clergyman or your doctor

 Teens and Tweens

Teen and Tweens may have similar responses being concerned for their future and unsure of their place in this strange new world.  In the best of all worlds, communication with teens is difficult.  In the post divorce world it may be borderline impossible.  Teens may be angry and withdrawn and rely on peers for support and encouragement. In these modern days they are likely to blast the news all over the internet.

Violent outbursts, running away, drug and alcohol, cutting class, acting out sexually, suicidal thoughts are all symptoms that your child needs help.

 Drugs and Alcohol

All school age children and tweens and teens can get involved in drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the pain they are feeling. As parents, most of us feel we know our kids well enough that we will be able to spot drug or alcohol use.  Wrong!  By the time we see the symptoms, they are well on their way toward trouble.  I have a webinar running daily at 6:00 PM PDT on teens and alcohol.  It is free and packed full of information.  You can access by clicking here! Teens and alcohol seminar!

As parents the most important actions we can take are to reassure the children they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Make sure they feel as secure as we can make them feel about theirr future and be alert for danger signs that indicate they need more help.

In the further information section below, I have listed some websites that offer more information about dating and to single parents.  One of the best sources of data is “About single parenting”, the website by Jennifer Wolf.

How Divorce Affects Children http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php/ How children are affected by divorce is a question of huge importance to your children and, of course, to you. Sadly, experts sometimes are confused about how … Impact of Divorce on Children http://extension.missouri.edu/extensioninfonet/article.asp?id=2150 Impact of Divorce on Children. sound clip Listen to the article. Divorce affects children differently, depending on their gender, age and stage of development. Effect of Divorce On ChildrenEffect Of Divorce On Children | Learn … http://www.effectofdivorceonchildren.net/ Learn about the effects of divorce on children and how they can be prevented. The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents … http://www.psychologytoday.com/…childs…/the-impact-divorce-young-chi… Dec 19, 2011 — In response to my blog about single parenting adolescents, I received this email request: “I was wondering if you could address the effects of … The effects of Divorce on Children and Education http://www.divorcewizards.com/The-effects-of-Divorce-on-Children-and-… Children exposed to divorce are twice as likely to repeat a grade and five times likelier to be expelled or suspended from school, according to the article. [PDF] The Effects of Divorce on Children – Family Research Council http://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF12A22.pdf File Format: PDF/Adobe Acrobat – Quick View by PF Fagan – 2012 – Cited by 7 – Related articles The Effects of Divorce on Children. Patrick F. Fagan and Aaron Churchill. January 11, 2012. Introduction. Crazaberamer Each year, over a million American children suffer the … [PDF] The Effects of Divorce on Children – North Carolina Cooperative … http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs471.pdf File Format: PDF/Adobe Acrobat – Quick View Focus on Kids: The Effects of. Divorce on Children. Distributed in furtherance of the Acts of Congress of. May 8 and June 30, 1914. Employment and program ..

 

 

 

 

 

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