Warning: include(./wp-includes/metawp.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/88/8610488/html/_ws-singleparenting/wp-load.php on line 94
Warning: include(./wp-includes/metawp.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/88/8610488/html/_ws-singleparenting/wp-load.php on line 94
Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening './wp-includes/metawp.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/php5_3/lib/php') in /home/content/88/8610488/html/_ws-singleparenting/wp-load.php on line 94 Single Parenting help – Page 3 – Devoted to the Millions of Single Parents around the World and Their Children
I am excited to announce a second book in the Adventures in Single Parenting Series. This is a short book covering only one topic, “Teens and Sex”. You know, our world is immersed in sex yet it remains one of the more difficult topics to discuss with our kids.
Many parents hope by postponing “The Talk” we can also postpone the awakening of desire in our kids. Sadly it doesn’t work that way.
There are an estimated 1 million teen pregnancies in the US alone and about 85% are unplanned. Just to put that in perspective, that is almost 2 per minute unplanned teen pregnancies in the US alone.
The Book, “Teens and Sex, An Adventures in Single Parenting Book” is a look at the causes of awakening teen desire and what we as parents can do to help educate our kids and give them the ammunition they need to postpone sexual activity and protect themselves when they do get involved.
I trust you will find the information in this book helpful. It is also written in such a way that you would not be embarrassed if you teen “found” it and used it to help arm themselves with some facts.
Hi this is Len, the author of “Adventures in Single Parenting” and creator of the website, “singleparenting.us”. Welcome to this video! Today’s topic is holiday visitation and planning!
The holidays are stressful
I don’t have to tell you how stressful the holidays can be. They are especially stressful for single families and blended families as well. It is important to remember how stressful it can be for the children also. The myriad of activities, in laws, grandparents, and other family members who want a piece of the children can be overwhelming.
It is also a time of year when they may try to bring you back together with your ex. They still want you to be a family so questions like, “Mom, why can’t dad just come her for Christmas?” or Dad, Can’t we all just go to mom’s house?” are not uncommon. Be prepared for them and answer them as truthfully as possible without being angry.
Plan ahead of time.
Throughout all the holiday planning, it is important to pay close attention to what the kids want to do. After all, it is their holiday also and they want to spend time with their friends, or they may have their own activities they want to participate in. Crazaberamer . Don’t under estimate the importance of that for them.
The best way to approach the holidays is to have a plan in place well ahead of time. Begin to work on the visitation plan early so that you have a chance of getting everyone’s agreement on the basic plan. It is not too early to start. As I am writing this, Thanksgiving is only two weeks away.
Make your own plan if necessary and distribute it.
I know some of you have an ex who is uncooperative or maybe doesn’t want to participate at all. That is very sad and is their loss. Resist the temptation to ask the children to be the messengers and have them become unwilling pawns between the warring adults.
Don’t ask little Johnny to go ask his dad what he wants unless you are sure it is a really friendly exchange. The likely outcome is little Johnny returns with a message and you, out of desperation, shoot the messenger and scoop your child up into the conflict between you and your ex. We wouldn’t want that to happen so best to try and establish a plan yourself.
Make a proposal and e mail it or mail it to your ex and ask him or her to get back directly to you with his or her thoughts. Try communicating on Facebook or whatever it takes to establish a plan that is as fair as possible and avoids the last minute frustration of not knowing where the kids are going to be, when they are going to be there and how many turkey dinners they have to eat on the same day.
What about an existing co-parenting plan?
There may be a co-parenting plan in place that agrees for example, that the children rotate holidays every other year. That’s fine, but still flexibility and cooperation are needed to insure a safe, sane, stress reduced holiday for everyone involved.
Now my wish for you is that you and your children have a very safe, peaceful and happy holiday season.
In a prior video I discussed some of the effects of divorce on the children. There was a recent HBO special by this title and I thought I would revisit the topic. No one escapes without some effect. It has been reported by Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelly, authors of Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope With Divorce that after 5 to 10 years 1/3 of children are OK, 1/3 gave some difficulty and 1/3 have a very difficult time.
We as parents can do a lot to help
We as parents can do a lot to ease the transition for our kids even though we may be in pain ourselves our kids have a much more difficult time understanding what is happening and what to expect.
For openers, it is important that we give our children unconditional love and support. We need to reassure them that they will not be abandoned and that we will be there for them. We need to tell them that the divorce is not their fault.
When possible, they need equal access to both parents. In the HBO documentary, the children had a list of things that they hope for from the parents. On that list was not fighting in front of the kids and not asking the kids to spy on each other.
School Age Children
School age children frequently blame themselves and feel that they can solve the problem by being good. They may act out to get attention or fake illness. They will try to get their parents back together. In my personal experience, this is more pronounced around major holidays such as Christmas, birthdays etc. They also fear for the future not being able to envision life after divorce and may fear that they will be abandoned.
Some of the more common signs that children are having difficulty coping include sudden, unexplained changes in behavior, sleep, or eating habits. Fortunately, you can do a lot to help your child by being sensitive to their needs and communicating with them. Be on the lookout for signs your child needs immediate help. Aggressive behaviour, alcohol and drugs, talk of suicide, cutting class are all signs for concern. Get help from school counselors, a clergyman or your doctor
Teens and Tweens
Teen and Tweens may have similar responses being concerned for their future and unsure of their place in this strange new world. In the best of all worlds, communication with teens is difficult. In the post divorce world it may be borderline impossible. Teens may be angry and withdrawn and rely on peers for support and encouragement. In these modern days they are likely to blast the news all over the internet.
Violent outbursts, running away, drug and alcohol, cutting class, acting out sexually, suicidal thoughts are all symptoms that your child needs help.
Drugs and Alcohol
All school age children and tweens and teens can get involved in drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the pain they are feeling. As parents, most of us feel we know our kids well enough that we will be able to spot drug or alcohol use. Wrong! By the time we see the symptoms, they are well on their way toward trouble. I have a webinar running daily at 6:00 PM PDT on teens and alcohol. It is free and packed full of information. You can access by clicking here! Teens and alcohol seminar!
As parents the most important actions we can take are to reassure the children they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Make sure they feel as secure as we can make them feel about theirr future and be alert for danger signs that indicate they need more help.
In the further information section below, I have listed some websites that offer more information about dating and to single parents. One of the best sources of data is “About single parenting”, the website by Jennifer Wolf.
Todays topic is integrating together single families.
The Brady Bunch works well on TV
I will start off by observing that the Brady Bunch works far better on television than it does in real life. In our real world, whenever there are two families to integrate together and both have children, there will be considerable issues among the children.
I had two children. It was therefore impossible for me to find or date a woman who had children and expect that both of my children would like her children. What I mean is, even if my date had only one child, at least one of my children would not like her child. Simple! That’s the way it works. Or so it seemed to me. I wasn’t alone in reaching this conclusion. Since I was a single parent, I tended to have a circle of friends that were in the same position. They always admitted to similar problems in their dating life. I had one lady friend who had completely given up dating because she didn’t want to deal with the inevitable conflicts that arose among the children.
I wasn’t quite so ready to quit although there were plenty of long, shall we just call them dry spells, during which I wasn’t dating anyone.
Conflicts among the children are inevitable
As I mentioned, when the children first came to live with me, I had a friend I had been dating for some time. After the children moved in, this arrangement continued for another year or so. In fact, for some time, she lived with me. Her two girls, and my boy and girl all together living happily! Right? Wrong! The conflicts among the kids were very troublesome and very difficult to deal with. There are not only the jealousies one would expect among the kids, there are also the inevitable problems among the adults.
We both had been single for some time and both had developed our own habits and techniques for dealing with our kids. Even in a two parent household, there are the inevitable attempts to play off mommy versus daddy. You know, there are frequent times when a child will ask one parent for something and if they don’t get the answer they want, then it’s off to try the other parent. Not uncommon is a certain degree of misrepresentation as well. You know what I mean. I am talking about the inevitable, “Daddy , Mommy said I should ask you if it’s ok to do such and such” Thus implying that Mommy said “yes if Daddy agrees” when in fact what Mommy said was “No”!
This sort of playing off between the adults is exaggerated in the two family household. It starts with, “That’s not the way my mommy does it” or ” I don’t have to listen to you cause you’re not my real dad”. Inevitably, there are differences between the way you and your new friend deal with individual problems.
There are also differences in the way the individual kids have been dealt with. For your new relation to have even a tiny chance of survival, it is important to reach lots of agreements ahead of time. This is probably an area were written rules and consequences that everyone agrees to are as helpful as they can ever be.
Disagreements among the adults
Inevitably, you and your new friend will have disagreements over which one of you is too strict or too lenient. You will disagree on the proper punishment for some crime and the things that are to be considered crimes in the first place. Perhaps you have fastidiously enforced a rule that strictly limits the amount of television the children are permitted to watch every day and your new friend has never set such limits. Now what do you do? Seemingly simple things like how much TV is ok and when it is ok will cause enormous problems if not agreed on ahead of time. They not only cause problems between you and your friend, they cause conflict between your kids and the “other” kids.
“Dad, Johnny’s a brat. I told him to turn off the television and he wouldn’t, so I just walked up and turned it off. Meanwhile Johnny is off telling his mom what a brat your kid is for turning off the television and so the battle lines are drawn.
The simple things we almost all take for granted will become conflicts if permitted to. Homework time, when is it done? How much is done? TV time, when and how much? Snacks after school. What’s permitted and what isn’t. Food for dinner. Your kids won’t like your friend’s menu selections and her kids won’t like yours. Unless its McDonald’s then at least the kids can agree on it (maybe)! And if you think the menu selections are a problem, wait until you hear what the kids think of the others persons cooking.
I came to the conclusion that the problems of integrating together single families were so severe as to be not worth the emotional price that one has to pay to get it done. I did however, continue to date but always tried to find situations and dates that the kids were comfortable with. Frequently, the kids were included on dates. A day at the park, or the zoo or a camping trip or something else the kids could participate in. This way I minimized their feeling of being excluded.
Besides, I always enjoyed the company of a good woman and felt it was easier to have someone else along to help ride herd on things. The obvious result was the kids felt included, they had someone other than just me to “play” with and I had adult companionship; usually an all around win for everyone.
Hi, It’s Len. The creator of singleparenting.us and author of the book, “Adventures in Single Parenting”. Welcome to this video. Today’s topic is sex and the single parent.
What! After all this you still have energy left for “you know what”? How can that be? You truly are superhuman! Well I did too and I suppose I have to be quite frank about it. First, I was (still am) an adult male who subscribed to the “use it or lose it” philosophy and I certainly had no intention of losing it. When the kids first came to live with me, I was already involved with a lady who had two kids of her own. This friendship had been developing for some time even before my kids came to live with me. It was therefore natural to expect it to continue and for the most part, there were no immediate problems.
Ultimately, this relationship failed primarily due to conflicts amongst the kids. In another video, I discuss integrating families together and some of the consequences. So here I was dating again and maybe you are also.
No matter how you do it, sooner or later your children are going to figure out that you are out dining, dancing and having sex and it isn’t with your former spouse. Most single parents start to date. And many engage in sex, often with more than one person. The critical thing is that it be done discreetly, with a sense of appropriate timing and with special sensitivity to children, and with recognition that children will have different reactions depending on their age.
This desire to get the family back together is not limited to young children. They seem to never get over the idea that we will reunite with our former spouse. This notion persisted well into the teenage years with my kids. It’s not clear to me whether or not my son has ever really accepted the fact even to this day, that it is not going to happen.
On the positive side of things, it is important for the children to see real intimacy between you and your new friend. It is here that they will hopefully form a positive image of what it is all about to form relationships. The final days or years of your marriage may have been marred by open conflict. This then is what your children know about adult relations. They know that adult relations don’t work very well and they are likely to repeat the same scenario in their own relationships. They have not seen a working adult relation; they have only been exposed to one that didn’t work.
Your dating and your new friends provide an opportunity to teach them a different way, a better way. You have the chance through your dates to show the children what healthy adult friendships and relationships should be like and to repair some of the damage done by the final days of the marriage.
Now if you haven’t already, go check out my website http://singleparenting.us. Let’s get to know each other. Good luck in the days ahead. My wish for you is that your children grow up healthy, and contribute to society in a positive way. I’m here to help you get there. We’ll talk again. This is Len. Bye for now!
So you are feeling the need for some more intimate adult companionship than your circle of friends and you want to start dating again.
The first, and very important step, is to talk to your kids about your desire to date. The kids will probably see your new date as a threat to the still existent notion that somehow the relation between you and your former spouse will be mended. No matter what the problems were and how severe, your children may still harbor a notion that you and your former spouse will reunite.
They might ask questions like, “Why can’t you just date (insert dad or mom)? Be prepared to be honest without being negative. Support the other person with statements like, “You know your dad (or mom) is a good person, he and I just don’t get along
The children want to see themselves and their parents as a normal family unit. They don’t like the idea of weekend visits and exchanging holidays.
The children need reassured you will still be there for them
They also feel the loss of the non-custodial parent and depending on where your children are in their own development cycle, they might see your dating and your new friend as a threat to their own relation with you. They may even feel threatened to the point that they believe if you continue on with your new relationship that they will lose you and be left with no parents at all.
So once again, the message is communicate your intentions. Your kids have a right to know whether you’re building casual friendships or whether you really hope to get married again (or for the first time). Be honest with their questions and don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not ready to answer that at this time.” Look, your kids are your family. Crazaberamer . Of course, you can’t predict the future, but you can clue them in to your intentions.
So what’s next?
Alright so you have gone on a date now what? Go slow. The potential to get hurt again is huge and the risk of hurting the kids is also there. Don’t bring a new friend into your home until you really know them well and are confident that the relation has some stability. Your new friend will probably try hard to impress the kids which means they will become attached. But of course that means they are vulnerable to being hurt again if you and your new friend break up. So once again, proceed with caution.
Finding someone to date
It’s hard enough when you are single and not a parent to find someone to date. It is really very difficult when you have all the other responsibilities of single parenting. I personally have had some luck with on line dating services. Stay with the more reputable ones. Of course, any time you are meeting someone “on line” you run some risk so proceed with caution.
Meet up groups
Personally I also like the myriad of clubs and activities that are available. I prefer outdoors stuff so I belong to a water ski club, sailing club and snow ski club. There are many good clubs to join that provide a social outlet and an opportunity to meet new friends. Whatever your interest is, there is probably a meet up nea by that caters to it. If not, start your own. Starting a meetup is easy
After school is a very difficult time for us as single parents. Unfortunately, it can also be a difficult time for our kids. In my webinar on teen drinking I point out that the most common time for kids to start to get into trouble with alcohol and other drugs is the hours between 3:00 PM and 6:00 PM, those hours after school when supervision is difficult at best.
Is there a relative or friend who can help?
Some of us are lucky enough to have a relative, grandmother, aunt, uncle etc. to help out, some of us are not so lucky. In my case, the closest relative was 2000 miles away so that was of little value.
I had a next door neighbor who was always home and my kids were to check in with him after school and he promised to keep a look out for trouble. Generally that worked but it didn’t stop my son from experimenting with grass in the back yard with his buddies.
We need a plan
As parents, we need a plan for the kids after school. Where are they to go? Who is in charge? What do we expect from them? How are we going to check in with them?
In my opinion, the ideal plan keeps them at school involved in an activity that requires their presence at practice such as soccer, football etc. The more we can keep our kids engaged in activities, the less likely they are to get into mischief behind our backs.
Keep them involved with something productive
The next best plan is to have them involved in some sort of structured activity either at home or at a friend’s house. This would be a good time to do homework, chores, feed the family dog etc.
The important thing is to make sure their time is full of productive activity and not have them sitting around thinking of trouble to get into. One suggestion is to enroll them in a karate class or something similar. Kids generally love it and it teaches both mental and physical discipline.
What about emergencies
Another important consideration is having an emergency plan. What happens in the event of a fire, earthquake etc. What are they to do if for example, God forbid, you have an accident and don’t make it hope? Where do they go? Who do they talk to? Do they have emergency phone numbers readily available, posted by the phone? Do you even have a phone? What do they do if there is power failure?
In the further information section below, I have listed some websites that offer more information and advice to single parents.
Finally, let’s get to know each other. Good luck in the days ahead. My wish for you is that your children grow up healthy, and contribute to society in a positive way. I’m here to help you get there. We’ll talk again. This is Len. Bye for now!
First I want to thank teachers in general and observe that most are good people with hearts of gold and armor of steel.
There was a recent Facebook post concerning a 5 year old who informed her teacher she needed to go potty. She was refused permission and subsequently soiled her pants and was forced to sit in it for the remainder of the day.
Simply and unequivocally this is wrong. No child should have to endure this humility and certainly not one so young. In the face of massive physical evidence (soiled clothes) it is easy to see the problem and take action.
In this case, my suggestion is action begins with a meeting with the teacher and her supervisor and depending on the outcome, goes from there.
My personal experience
But what about a more subtle problem, one with no physical evidence? So your child comes home and tells you Mrs. so and so is mean. What to do?
This happened to me. My daughter had never ha d a problem with a teacher but in 5th grade, she began to have an issue with a specific teacher. I met with the teacher and personally observed what appeared to be a kind but strict individual. Well I thought, maybe Dawn needs some strict rules and anyhow, in life we need to learn to accommodate many types of personalities so I ignored this situation for some time thinking my daughter would adjust.
Well I was wrong. It turned out that behind closed doors, this was a mean spirited, sarcastic, negative teacher and by the time I understood the magnitude of the problem, my daughter had basically slid backwards almost a full year. She learned almost nothing that year except to hide.
The Bottom Line
My message is simple. If your child is having a problem with a teacher, investigate it thoroughly and take action as appropriate. Now I understand sometimes kids cry wolf when there is none but seriously, if your child is having a difficult time with a teacher, his or her education is at risk so you need to take it seriously and investigate thoroughly and move your child if necessary to a different teacher.
The bottom line is put your child’s needs and education first and take action if necessary to protect your child from a bad teacher. Once again, most teachers are good people but occasionally… Well you get the idea. Dealing with student/teacher conflict
Educating your child takes the work of you and the teacher. It takes communication, understanding, and cooperation. If you have an issue with your child’s teacher set up an appointment to speak with the teacher. Don’t barge in and discuss your issue in a classroom full of kids. The teacher is working during school hours, respect that.
When you meet with the teacher, have a list of talking points. Include your child’s statements and concerns.
Talk about Issues
Don’t explode on the teacher. Talk about the issues. Listen to find out if your child is missing the big picture, or stretching the truth. Allow yourself to hear the teacher’s perspective and try to get a feel for the teacher’s level of genuine concern.
Step back and compare the two perspectives. Draw conclusions and take action with the teacher. Then, If things don’t work out consider bringing your well documented and researched information to the principle. The best case scenario at this point is to meet with the teacher and the principle at the same time.
Remember, the most important thing is your child’s education. Crazaberamer . That should be the goal of every parent, teacher, and administrator in our school systems.
My wish for you
Now my wish for you is your children grow up healthy and are positive contributors to society. I’m here to help you get there. This is Len. We’ll talk again. Bye for now.
Mom and dad, it’s time to stop punishing your child by teaching them to ride a bicycle using training wheels. There’s an alternative method that will have your child riding a bike faster and without the fear that most kids experience as part of the learning process.
Using a balance bike
The secret is teaching your child to ride a bike using a balance bike, a pedal-less bicycle that’s designed to teach kids as young as two to how to ride. The reason this method is so successful is that it puts the focus on balance and steering.
Simplifying the process of learning to ride a bike accelerates the learning curve. Kids don’t have to master multiple gross motor skills simultaneously, so they are more comfortable with the learning process and make faster strides.
Kids push the bikes with their feet to propel the bike forward similar to how they would ride a scooter or skateboard, but with both feet. This “striding” motion is at the heart of the balance bike method and how one of the most popular balance bike models, the Strider ST-3, earned its name.
Other distinguishing features of a balance bike include the light weight and low seat height. While a 12” pedal bike found at Walmart will probably weigh in the neighborhood of 20 lbs, most balance bikes weigh less than 10 lbs. That’s a huge difference. Kids feel much more in control on the lighter balance bike.
Balance bikes are also built with a very small frame and low seat height. Some adjust to as low as 11 inches. This helps a child maneuver more easily on the bicycle and allows kids two and under to start learning to ride.
The best time to teach them
While it might seem crazy to try and teach a child who’s barely learned to walk how to ride a bike, it’s actually a great time to do it. While kid’s motor skills vary, most two-year-olds can balance a bicycle as long as it’s not too heavy. Young kids are also less fearful. They don’t focus on the risk and dangers of bike riding the way older kids do.
The low profile and light weight of a balance bike also make it a safer alternative to heavy pedal bikes with training wheels. Bikes with training wheels tend to wobble and can tip over. The low-profile balance bike keeps a child close to the ground and makes it easier to recover when they do lose balance.
The best part of the balance bike method for a parent is that their child will teach themselves how to ride a bike. No bending over and trying to keep the bike upright. No frustration for parent or child. You won’t spend weeks, months or years trying to teach your child to ride. They’ll learn quickly and naturally on a balance bike.
The transition to a pedal bike will be swift and painless with the mastery of balance that comes with this method. Don’t expect your child to give up their balance bike in a hurry, though. Most kids enjoy the freedom and fun of a balance bike for a year or two before making the move to a pedal bike.
So ditch the training wheels and discover a new way to teach your son or daughter to ride a bike that’s more effective and fun. Your child and your back will thank you. server ip . Conssymroycupo . Crazaberamer
Car crashes are the number one killer of children 1 to 12 years old in the United States. The best way to protect them in the car is to put them in the right seat, at the right time, and use it the right way.
In the United States, car accidents represent the highest cause of death for children above the age of 3 and are responsible for over 140,000 children’s visits to the emergency room each year.
What is the best car seat for my kid?
No one seat is the “best” or “safest.” The best seat is the one that fits your child’s size, is correctly installed, fits well in your vehicle, and is used properly every time you drive.
Typically infants and toddlers up to about 2 yrs of age should be in rear facing seats installed on the rear of the car and away from the air bags. Never place a rear-facing car seat in the front seat of a vehicle that has an active front passenger air bag. If the air bag inflates, it will hit the back of the car seat, right where your baby’s head is, and could cause serious injury or death.
Older toddlers and pre schoolers should be seated in forward facing seats, again in the rear of the vehicle and away from the airbags. Once again, if at all possible, it is best to keep children away from the airbags in the front so the forward facing seat is installed on the rear of the vehicle. If a car seat must be used in the front, move it as far back as possible and way from the airbag.
When they are too big for a car seat
School age children sho0uld use a belt positioning booster seat for as long as possible up to usually about 4 ft 9 in height, so typically 8 to 12 years old
Obviously, once the child is big enough for a seat belt to fit snuggly, that is where they belong